I was washing the dishes from last night's dinner and was very focused on scrubbing every last speck of egg from the frying pan when the doorbell rang.
I looked out the kitchen window and saw two women standing at my back door. They had serious expressions; tightly curled grey hair, and were clutching leaflets. I had met women like these before - they traveled in pairs and they preyed on people who were home during the day.
My fight or flight instincts took over… I immediately crouched down out of view from both the kitchen window and the back door window. But what if these women had already seen me when I had been washing dishes?
The doorbell rang again. I made myself as small as I could and hoped that they would leave soon, as my knees were getting sore. I thought about answering the door, but then reconsidered as my appearance was approaching that of a hobo - I was wearing sweat pants and an old fleece jacket; my uncombed hair had taken on a life of its own, and I hadn't brushed my teeth yet. If I opened the door now, they might think I looked the way I did because I had been out drinking the night before. Then they would really want to "save" me, and before I knew it, I would find myself in a heated debate about religion and God with two complete strangers.
No, I would definitely not answer the door to save my soul. I continued to remain in the uncomfortable squatting, human ball position, all the while listening for any sound at the back door. Maybe they had given up and they were retreating to a large, dark, North American made vehicle that resembled an undercover police car.
There was silence, except for the hum of the fridge and the purring of my cat who thought that I was crouching down so that I could be closer to her. She is the ideal companion - easy going and never judgmental, but at this moment, I secretly wished that I had a large, snarling dog named Cujo who would jump and bark crazily as soon as he heard the doorbell ring.
It was over. The women had finally left and I will never know if they saw me or not. My only worry is that they might come back tomorrow.
Hi, I had to reply to this. As I left my house the other day, I checked my mailbox, only to discover - a pamphlet left by those wanting to discuss our spiritual life. What was I doing when they knocked? Who knows? But from now on, I will always think of you when this type of situation arises!
ReplyDeleteI will too Gwenda-- Because I've done this. I remember my mother doing it too (hoarse whisper: "Don't move! They'll know someone is in the house!!"). We've all been here. You write so well that we love reliving it through you, as you crouch on the floor! Such a treat to read.
ReplyDeleteLorri
Michele, this is so funny, and yet so accurate. I really enjoy how your writing uses such refreshing humour; I always look forward to reading your stuff.
ReplyDeleteJill